Wednesday, November 9, 2011


During the past year, and especially the past several months, my focus has been on what to do with the rest of my life and what state/city I plan to do it in. I've considered Seattle and Minneapolis since I would have family in both. When it comes right down to it though I have lived in Arkansas for longer than I've ever lived anywhere else and the thought of leaving here makes me very anxious. On top of all that, I'm now with a man who I'm not planning on being apart from, so Arkansas it is :-)

That being said my lease at this house will be up in April and I'll be looking for a new place to rent. It has served it's purpose as a place of transition but I'm ready for a place that has a washer and dryer and a bit more space. It's exciting to think of moving into a place with a few more conveniences and one in which I haven't gone through such massive upheavals as I have in this one. The only thing is...I'm so damn tired of moving!

When I was in Wisconsin my mom and I tallied up the times we've moved and my count is around 50. I've lived in 21 different houses in Wisconsin, at least 2 in Texas, 1 in Arizona, 1 in Chicago which we moved in and out of several times, 4 in Colorado, 3 in Minnesota, and 6 in Arkansas. My mom can add over a dozen more to that list but these are the places that I actually remember. Also, that doesn't include times where we lived in our vehicle or a motel or stayed with friends.

I want a home that I don't ever have to move from...It's going to take me a while to get there but in the meantime, I'll be packing boxes and searching Craigslist for the next big move... :-)

Saturday, November 5, 2011

This about sums it up...

Capricorn Horoscope Nov. 5, 2011

Tremendous internal changes, intense effort, relentless determination, compulsive and irrational drives, and strong assertion of your will are the key issues during this time period. This is a difficult time period when you want to make intense changes. This transit can last for a number of weeks.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


When you're in pain it's easy to lose sight of the big picture.

I wrote the other day about being uncomfortable with how hard my heart was feeling. That's just not who I am and I'm glad to say that wasn't a permanent change. I've always been a very happy person and I'm not going to let the actions of 2 people who don't care about me steal my joy.

While I see the need to protect myself and not let myself get taken advantage of, I also know that I'm a tolerant person who forgives the faults of those I love. There needs to be a balance there but I'm NOT going to err on the side of caution when it comes to those who love me....It's just not in me to hold people at arms length and limit access to my affection.

We've all been hurt by people we love...some of us get hard and some of us, me included, forgive and move on. I have a man who loves me, a great relationship with my brother, and the support of a few great friends...I refuse to not love them with everything I have just because not everyone in the periphery of my life is worthy of that.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

November 1

I'm happy to see October come to an end. Now that November is here I'm looking forward to a fresh start...the issues of the last several months and the pain of this last week have been worked through and I'm ready for happier days!

Gaining balance and setting boundaries has always been an issue for me. Several conversations with John over the past few days has gone a long way in setting that straight. We are finally at a place where he understands that we will never be a couple again and that we won't be communicating on a regular basis. It feels great to finally have that closure!

I'm looking forward to being more creative and social this month...I'm working on a knitting project and want to do a little card making. I'm also planning on reconnecting with some girlfriends that I haven't seen in several months. AND...I have 3 days off work coming up and I'm SO looking forward to some serious relaxation! :-)